I haven’t written much about this subject because it’s bound to upset someone and, knowing that I’ll hurt someone’s feelings or make them mad, I’ve tried to avoid the issue in general discussion.

Let’s talk about Boy Scouts of America and homosexuality.

I’d like to start off by saying that I don’t hate homosexuals, nor do I wish them any harm.  I don’t know how God will decide if they go to heaven or not and I don’t have the answers regarding why some people are “born that way” or not.  I also don’t understand bacon-maple-bars or why anyone would jump out of (perfectly good) airplanes, but that doesn’t make maple bars or sky-divers wrong or evil.  I don’t think AIDS/HIV is God’s punishment for homosexuality (but it is a consequence just like pregnancy is a consequence of sex).  I don’t find homosexuals creepy or scary or evil.

But, I don’t agree with them either.  Marriage isn’t a right for anyone.  Sex was designed for the creation of children.  Yes, we as a species enjoy the act of sex – to my knowledge we were designed to do so.  But sex is not just about pleasure and love; it’s about making babies.  Biologically, physically, emotionally, it’s hard for me to rationalize that our bodies that were made to fit like two puzzle pieces – man and woman – should be used in a way that doesn’t fit.  It’s like two negative sides of a magnet.  They push away; they don’t attract like a negative and a positive.

However, I don’t get to decide who anyone else is attracted to or even who they marry or have sex with.  And, I can’t honestly say I understand why God would “allow” same sex attraction when he specifically forbids it in both the Old and New Testaments of the Bible.  I know that adultery and substance abuse are spoken against in the Bible as well as other things that God considers sin.  I also know that God gives us, his creations, free will so that we can choose to obey his laws or go against them. 

Sermon over; opinion starting.

Boy Scouts of America is a PRIVATE organization and not open to everyone.  It’s not open to girls (although allows female leaders); it’s not open to children under the age of 6 and over 21.  And, as the organization lays out its membership “rules” in every book and manual, it’s not a surprise that they expect there to be a moral code.

I won’t argue what morality is or if people choosing to live against God’s laws can be moral or not.  We’re all sinners and there are really no levels of sin (although there are some sins listed as abhorrent).  It’s not like alcoholics will have a different level of salvation than murders or rich people than poor.  Our salvation is based on choice and our willingness to live according to God’s laws is how I believe God judges our eternal reward.

 

BSA specifically states that they have a moral code and that members must have some sense of religion or spirituality.  Scouts at every rank level are asked to review their family’s religious beliefs.  BSA is available in many countries and open to many religions including Muslim, Catholic, Buddhist, Jewish, Orthodox and Protestant.  (Wikipedia)

Robert Baden Powell felt strongly about religion – specifically Christianity – in the program saying “We aim for the practice of Christianity in their everyday life and dealings, and not merely the profession of theology on Sundays…” (Scouting for Boys, Baden-Powell, Oxford University Press). 

Christianity has several references to same-sex relationships, marriage and homosexuality in the Bible; Islam has writings in the Koran, and many other religions speak against same-sex attraction – even if they do not forbid it.

BSA is NOT a religious organization; however it is a private organization and privately funded through donations and membership dues.  It has a nationally recognized non-profit status and until recently, its membership requirements have not been questioned. 

By asking the BSA to change its membership requirements to fit the current society is not only wrong but selfish.  There are many organizations available to youth that have many of the benefits of the scouting program.  Watering down any organization to make it a one-size fits all program lessens the effectiveness of the program as a whole.

The purpose of the BSA program is to turn boys into men.  It’s not to tell them whom to love or marry or even which religion to choose. It’s not about getting straight A’s or being a mechanic or a missionary.  The program helps boys learn to be leaders and give them a comfort level with many activities and experiences they might not otherwise be able to participate in.  Learning to play marbles or shoot BB guns or use a knife safely; planning a healthy meal and perform first aid and show community and civic pride. 

None of these programs specifically tell anyone they can’t love who they want; but when it comes to the part about staying morally straight and being reverent it’s difficult for me to imagine how anyone who isn’t living according to some scriptural principle could consider themselves reverent or moral by directly disobeying specifically mentioned restrictions in a holy book; regardless of which holy book it is.

I have friends who feel very strongly that this is a discrimination issue; much like racism or slavery.  If everyone had to join the BSA in order to get into school or college or get a job, I might feel the same.  No one is forcing someone to be a scout or to live in a moral fashion.  No one is deeming which religion is right and wrong.  You’re not forbidden from drinking from a specific fountain or attending school if you’re not a scout.

In fact, unless you’re wearing your uniform or a BSA insignia, no one would know you were a scout unless you told them. You’re not required to wear a star on your coat or a caste mark on your forehead to signify your membership.  No one denies you from entering college or applying for a scholarship based on your BSA membership status.

Joining a private organization is a choice.  If you don’t like the rules, don’t join.  If you don’t want a milkshake, don’t get one.  Don’t like cars?  Ride a bike.  Hate credit cards?  Pay cash.  Don’t require everyone to follow your choices.  No one is making anyone be a Cub or a Boy Scout.  You can choose not to wear the shirt and say the oath and follow the motto.  But if you choose to join the ranks, then you’d better agree with the viewpoints of the organization instead of changing them to fit your needs.

My recommendation is that if you don’t like the game; walk away and start your own game somewhere else.  Develop your own program that includes the rules and values that you support.  Order your coffee without whip cream or with organic, free-trade beans.  But don’t make everyone else follow your values just because you feel left out or guilty or convicted.

Gifts

I used to be good at giving gifts.  I loved to think of things that people would enjoy and take pleasure in the process of planning, buying and wrapping the gifts.  I took joy in finding things that gave others pleasure.  I used to be really good at it.

Now, buying and planning for gifts are just one more thing to do; one more item to check off a list; another problem to be stressed over and solved; something else to take up my time; a possibly futile endeavor that will drain my already waning energy and motivation and time.

In other words, I suck at it now.  Shopping at holidays and birthdays and celebrations is exhausting and depressing.  Finding that perfect card (or even one that’s kind of appropriate) is torturous.  I used to be able to stand in the card section of the store and LAUGH – usually out-loud – for a long time. 

But NOT giving gifts or cards fills me with guilt.  I should give a gift, I think.  I was never raised with gift-giving being an obligation; giving a gift was a treasure and a gift in and of itself.  Not anymore.

I stand in front of the card aisle and glance over the cards.  No, that one is too dumb, that one too mushy, that one too vague.  And then, I find one that’s great, except it sounds like I should feel, not like I really do actually feel.  And then I’m guilty for being phony.  Cards no longer make me laugh; they make me cringe or roll my eyes or shudder – and no, not just the Justin Beiber cards.

Gifts?  What I’d like to give are too expensive or too large or just too…too.  What if they don’t like it (that thought never used to cross my mind)?  What if they have to return it?  What if they’re allergic or they think it’s ugly?  What if????

And I’ve developed this guilt in receiving gifts too.  I call it baggage from my mother, although that’s not entirely fair as she’s been dead for several years, and following my own advice, I should be able to GET OVER IT!  I spend vast amounts of time and energy trying to decipher why anyone would give me a gift.  What do they expect in return?  Am I now required to give them gifts too?  What if I have to someday get rid of the gift?  Or it breaks?  Or…

Sigh…

Random thought:  How did we begin using the words “used to” to signify past tense of once was?  I mean, “used” means no longer new…however, upon more research it’s actually a form of speech that is correct.  

More Random thoughts...

More random thoughts that cross my mind at awkward times...

If requiring ID to vote is a “Poll Tax” because it disenfranchises the poor, then how do the poor identify themselves for their state benefits?  Don’t they have to (occasionally) prove they are who they say they are?  How will they identify themselves at Emergency rooms or clinics or doctors’ offices for medical treatment?

If someone is too poor to be able to get to a place to purchase an ID, aren’t they also too poor to be able to get to a place to vote?

I don’t suppose it will be too long before I can’t say words like “Indian Summer” and “Mexican Mocha” without being called racist.

How is it racial profiling to pull someone over because they broke the law and have non-white skin, but it’s not racial profiling to ask someone what nationality they are for federal and state reports?

I still find it odd that school choice is bad, but reproductive choice is not.

Why do we need Planned Parenthood to be funded by the government if the Affordable Healthcare Act will provide health coverage for all?

How is it that Birth control is considered health care? 

I am constantly amazed that people get in a fluff over Internet privacy.  If you post it on the Internet do you REALLY have the expectation of privacy? 

Deleting someone as a friend on FB or blocking them from your newsfeed may not be mature, but sometimes it’s the best way to solve an electronic relationship issue.  And dang, but it feels good!

Frankly, I think we fell over the “fiscal cliff” several years ago.  Personally, we make roughly half again as much as we made 10 years ago, but are further behind than we were 20 years ago.  As a country, I don’t think we’re any better off, either.

Marriage certificates and the Constitution are just pieces of paper unless they’re enforced.  Laws are the same way.  We don’t need more rules and laws; we need people who are willing to stand up and enforce the ones we already have and punish people that break those laws and rules.

What is the mentality behind forcing private clubs and organizations to accept membership of everyone?  Why would an atheist want to be a member of a Christian (or Jewish or catholic or Muslim) club?  If you don’t follow the beliefs of a group, why would you want to be a member in the first place?

If you don’t agree with guns, then don’t buy one.  If you don’t believe in God, then don’t go to church or pray or read the Bible.  If you don’t like my child wearing a cross on a necklace, then don’t look at the necklace. 

I live in a country I no longer recognize.  Sex used to be private and not discussed.  Marriage was between a man and a woman.  The bad guys always wore black hats.  Swear words weren’t used as adjectives in day to day conversation.  School was where you learned the basics of reading, writing and arithmetic; not how to use a condom.  

Questions for my favorite author

Let’s just fantasize for a moment that I get a chance to have lunch (or dinner or drinks) with my favorite author, Nicholas Sparks.  Yes, he can bring his wife.  Maybe he’ll invite me to their house and I can meet the kids and dogs too!

1. I’ve read that you write at least 2,000 words each day.  When you started out did you ever sleep or did you have a lower goal for your per day completion?
2. What is the average time it takes you to write a book?  Are some harder than others?
3. How do you overcome character challenges? 
4. What about when your characters change their story mid-plot? 
5. What was the most difficult book?  Why?
6. Your favorite book you’ve written?
7. Your favorite book by another author?
8. What was the easiest book to write?  Why?
9. Is there a book that you’d like to rewrite?
10. What did you spend your first large royalty check on?
11. How do you research for your books?

What questions would you ask your favorite author?

A Friend

One of the problems of having a blog that people read is that I need to be aware of my audience.  It’s never my intent to purposefully hurt someone – I’m completely capable of telling someone to their face if I’m unhappy with them if it’s a big enough deal that I need to create the conflict.  So, it’s a pretty safe bet that if I’m unhappy with someone, that someone already knows about it.  (Okay, I’ll admit that Lance Armstrong has no IDEA what a putz I think he is but I don’t think he cares.)

I’m no stranger to conflict; I’ve often joked that even when I try to avoid it conflict finds me easily and without much of a search party.  But as good as I am at talking the talk; I really don’t enjoy conflict and dust-ups and losing friends.

The last few years I’ve had three major people in my life make me reconsider my attitude about friendship.  Each of these people has, in some way, been dishonest or un-trustworthy with me or how they’ve dealt with a situation where I’ve been involved.  And each one of them has had several chances to correct the situation and regain my trust.  And each one of them blew it multiple times and I WALKED AWAY.

When I was a little girl, someone once told me how to remember to spell FRIEND correctly:  “A Friend is a Friend to the e.n.d.”    If only that were true as far as the actual friendship went.

I expect that my friends will be my friends forever; and it hurts me tremendously when I lose a friend.  I spend a lot of time trying to figure out what I did or how I could have saved the relationship; but I think that some relationships are just not meant to be long term.  And, some will withstand the test of time (and Facebook).

I will not be lied to.  I will not allow or be party to someone who can’t represent the truth.  I will not stand quietly by when someone is dishonest or has motives that are selfish and manipulative.  And, if you are reading this and you think it’s about you, well, maybe it is.  But again, you’ll already know where we stand by this point because I’ve offered an olive branch, tried to work it out and spent countless hours trying to mediate or fix the situation and repair the friendship.

 

You can also be pretty sure that you’re in my prayers and that I think of you no matter how long it’s been since we’ve ‘broken up’.  Sometimes the thoughts aren’t as painful anymore and sometimes I just want to scream because it’s just not how I wanted things to end.

And, apparently, God isn’t through teaching me about relationships and how I can be better at them because He tells me every day that HE loves me and that even if I lost every human friend I ever had, HE would still be there.

It’s a good thing we can grow and change and that some of our friends will grow and change with us; and it’s sad that some people just can’t be honest about themselves or others and deal with the consequences.  

Safety Patrol

Top (10) Reasons I’m not a School Safety Patrol Parent:

1. Stupid people make me angry
2. Just because you need to walk your precious snowflake to the front door is no reason to park in the middle of the drive-through lane.
3. The signs that say “Do Not Block Handicapped Spaces” are there for a reason; NO, the reason isn't just to annoy you.
4. Walking your child across a busy street and not using the crosswalk is still jay-walking.  Even if it’s inconvenient.
5. I would go through a ticket book a day and they would all be marked “Failure to use common sense”.
6. The Police Department would know me by name.
7. Citizen’s arrests are still legal.
8. I have the number for a towing company on speed dial.
9. I don’t have a problem with telling people to STOP!
10. I’m not afraid to make you go to the back of the line and wait your turn.

Review and A-new

I made some “resolutions” – I called them Personal goals for 2012.  I thought I’d review them and see how well I did before I make my resolutions for 2013.

• ·Read the Bible in a year.

Well, I started this and kept up pretty well through April.  And then, well, I completely let it go until about October again. 

• Complete one of the books I’m writing.  I’m not sure I’ll be willing to try to get it published in this year, but that can be 2013’s goal (if the Mayan’s are wrong).

I’ve re-written several sections of this book about 10 times.  I’m still struggling with who my characters are and as they keep changing their personalities, it makes for a frustrating attempt to finish.

• Scan family/historical photos so they’re saved digitally.  I’d also like to get our family videos transferred to DVD for safekeeping.

This will be a long-term goal; and I did make some progress in it, but not any that was noticeable.  Since I have about a bazillion photos, it will never likely be completely finished.

• Lose 20 more pounds and keep it off.

I MADE THIS ONE!  I started the year at 218 and lost 20 pounds by December (11 months!).  My goal for December was to stay within 3 pounds of that weight during the holidays and I ended up the year at 200 pounds; so I’m VERY HAPPY about that.

• Have our last credit card paid off.

Yeah, no. 

• Take shooting lessons.

I did take shooting lessons and feel semi-comfortable in loading and reloading a handgun and shotgun.  At the shooting range I had pretty good aim and hit the target more often than not; but Trap shooting is not my forte.  That whole aiming thing really isn’t my thing. 

•  Sell or give away some of the collected stuff (read: junk) and get it out of my life.

I sold some DVD sets and some crystal ornaments; donated a lot of things to charity and threw some things away as well.  This too will be an on-going project.

As for my 2013 goals; they’re really going to be personal this year.  Not PRIVATE, but personal. 

• I want to lose another 10 pounds.  The goal weight is 188.
• I want to start running.  The goal is I’d like to be able to jog/run our walk route (2.5 miles) at least 5 times over the course of the year.  My walking partner and I have done “poles” (intervals) once, and after we get past the bronchitis/pneumonia season, I think we’ll start up again. 
• I’m going to start seeing a counselor again.  This isn’t really a “goal” or a resolution; but something I just need to do.  I’m struggling with a lot of anger and frustration and I don’t know how else to work through it.  What I’m doing now isn’t working.
• More gun lessons and shooting practice.  Apply for a concealed carry permit.  Purchase a handgun.   (No, the gun isn’t because of the anger issues.)
• Start being that person who says “I’m going to let someone else handle this.”  Stop being the peacemaker.  Stop offering assistance to a problem that isn’t mine.
• Get rid of more of the clutter in my life.  Sell or give away the *valuable* items and throw away the stuff that really is just stuff.

Projects:

• Scrapbook 2012 photos and memorabilia.  This is hard for me because I doubt my craft skills and 2^nd-guess my “style”.  I need to just get it in a book and not try to make it a perfection/competition/showcase thing.
• Scan photos; convert movies to DVD (see 2012).

I hope your 2013 is filled with accomplishments and progress.