God has really been working on me lately in the area of my friendships. I’ve always thought I was a good friend to many people; some of them whom I’ve known for years. Being a friend isn’t just about seeing movies, or having dinner (coffee, dessert) together; talking on the phone for hours or liking all the same things. Being a good friend is measured by how we TREAT each other.
Colossians 3:12-13 talks about how we, as Christians, are to treat our Christian friends; and in some cases our non-Christian friends.
I’ll digress a bit to say that my non-Christian friends are pretty few; not by choice, but because most of my social and life events happen around church and scouting, most of my friends are religious or spiritual (I’m not going to clarify monikers like “Christian”, “religious” or “spiritual” you get the point). However I have (a few) friends, acquaintances and innocent by-standers that aren’t saved, don’t attend a church, are part of another faith or don’t have any appreciable religious beliefs at all. So, let’s be clear that I’m not expecting my non-Christian friends to follow this line of thinking and it’s also true that people who aren’t “saved” probably don’t think this is the way to treat friends. Fair enough.
Back to Colossians, Paul is speaking to the people of the Colossian church about their fellow believers, and as humans are humans, their complaints and problems between one another. The verses say that because we are God’s children (elect of God), we are supposed to treat our Christian brothers and sisters with “tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long-suffering”. Say what now?
So, if I have a Christian believer friend who I’m not happy with, I’m supposed to be kind and long-suffering? Wow. Hit me right between the eyes.
Tender mercies means putting on a heart of compassion.
Kindness is a goodness towards other that pervades the entire person, mellowing the harsh aspects.
Humility? Uh oh. It’s not the self-love thing; it’s all about the other person.
Meekness means that my spirit is calm and I’m not acting rashly. Think of Moses at 40 vs. 80. At 40 he killed a man and at 80 he was able to forgive and forget. (I hope I don’t have to be 80 to reach that goal!).
Long-suffering is like having a really long fuse; taking a long time to express the wrath that so easily can take over. But there’s more…long suffering is NOT expressing it EVEN when the fuse blows. (It’s like “turn the other cheek” on steroids).
But it gets more complicated. Because, striving daily to be all those things in our friendships isn’t hard enough, God adds the Bonus Round of “bearing with one another and forgiving one another…” But that’s not the hardest part! We’re supposed to forgive because it’s what CHRIST did (and does).
Bearing with one another means putting up with those minutiae that can just drive us nuts. You know, the mom with the crying child in church or the guy who sings loudly but always off key and the woman who is always complaining and never helping. Or that friend who is always late for bible study or doesn’t always show up for church.
Forgiving is the most difficult part (for me, and I suspect for others too as Paul speaks about it a lot in his letters). Forgiving is grace, given as a favor, and not picking a fight. Romans 8:32 says it’s the kind of forgiveness that cancels out the offense.
We’re supposed to show self-control in our friendships and in our lives. Just because she never shows up on time does NOT mean that we stop inviting her or make fun of her. Self-control is the greatest sign of strength (as opposed to the world who considers that delayed gratification or self-control are signs of weakness, fear and hatred).
I have a long way to go to make these things my daily friendship habits. I need to be constantly vigilant about how I treat my friends, and quit worrying so much about how they treat me. It’s not about how friendly they are; it’s about how Christ-like I am.
(Most explanations are taken, shamelessly, from Pastor Doug Johnston’s sermon, October 2, 2011 at First Baptist Church of Redmond.)
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