Sharing the Bathroom with Strangers

I am the only human female that resides in our house; two female cats and one female dragon doesn’t balance the scale when it comes to bathroom matters.  One husband and two teenage males make for some interesting occurrences when it comes to sharing the bathroom with them.  Okay, technically, they’re not really strangers, but they’re strange so it counts.

Showering:        My husband insists that when we are home together that we shower together.  We have two shower heads for this purpose; and, to be blunt, both of my male children were conceived using the “save water, shower with a friend” method.  I’m sure there is some statistical conception study that could be documented on that statement alone, but I’ll try to keep this a family-friendly show.  The difficulty (for me only) in showering with THIS friend is that I like my water HOT and my friend likes his water tepid.  I am able to wash my body and shampoo my hair in about 5-8 minutes, my friend shaves, washes, washes, washes and washes in about 15.  And then, well, he wants me to wait around until he’s finished so we can, um, finish together.  Add this to the fact that he’s always behind schedule, we are usually rushed for time and well, I’m not always very “friendly” when I’m rushed for time.  And it’s MORNING.  And I’m NEVER FRIENDLY in the morning. 

Toilet:   Two of the men folk sit down to use the toilet, regardless of the bodily function they need to perform.  This keeps the toilet and seat clean and, if they “miss” they both clean up after themselves.  The other “man” doesn’t sit; he refuses to aim and “forgets” to clean up after himself.  As he’s currently the shortest of the three males (but probably not for long), this problem will only get worse the taller he gets.  Just to be clear, I do not stand when I use the toilet and I always clean up after myself, however it is always my turn to follow the youngest/shortest male after he’s used the facilities.  This means I need to check before I sit, which means that I have to be paying attention when I’m using the facilities and, well, I’m a mom.  The reality is that I have about 3.5 seconds to perform my “function” before something will explode, implode, catch on fire, cause crying or blood to occur with some member of the household; or before the phone will ring and I will be required to answer it because we have an answering machine and it would be rude to have the machine answer the phone while mom is using the facilities.

Towels:               We have approximately 8 hooks or (towel) bars in our bathroom.   Towels are meant to be hung or suspended from these devices fresh from the laundry or after being used.  Oddly enough, we only have one floor which is usually the repository for the towels.  Two of the hooks are on the back of the door and I hang my bathrobe on one and my towel on the other.  It is not unusual for me to use my towel for several days (about 3) before I throw it in the laundry.  I likely would use my towel for 5 days if by day three it were not used by one of the other males in the house (usually the youngest/currently shortest one) and left on the floor in a pile after being stepped on.  It is also soaking wet; almost as if one took the shower wearing the towel instead of using the towel to dry one’s body off with. 

Clothing:  It is the custom to shower without clothing on.  I’m not confused by this; I am however confused with the practice of leaving the removed clothing in a pile on the floor of the bathroom (with the soaking towel mentioned above) for days on end. Or leaving the clothing on the floor of the hallway (after it has been removed from the bathroom by someone other than the owner of said clothing).  If I left my female clothing on the floor of the bathroom or hallway for days on end, I’m sure some male person would become embarrassed by the sight of certain aspects of female clothing and make a comment about it.  Teenage males become uncomfortable around female clothing if it belongs to their mother; however they have no idea that stepping over male-type clothing on a continuous basis is uncomfortable for the sole female in the house. 

Miscellaneous:  Don’t use my hairbrush and then complain that my hair is in my hairbrush, falls out of my hairbrush and onto your head because you’re using my hairbrush.  Get your own hairbrush.  

Don’t leave the lids of the shampoo/toothpaste/conditioner/body wash/hand soap/shaving crème off the container or open.

Don’t stare at me while I’m putting on make-up, jewelry or styling my hair and make comments like “Wow, I didn’t know you knew how to do that!”

Don’t leave a quarter-sized (or any-sized) glob of toothpaste in the sink. 

Don’t complain that the bathroom smells when you choose not to turn on the fan.  It’s also necessary to turn on the fan while taking a shower in water so hot it would boil an egg in the time it takes you to complete your shower.

Don’t write your name or song lyrics or smiley faces in the steamed-up mirror.

Don’t write your name or song lyrics or smiley faces in the toilet.  Ever.

Don’t leave the door open while in the bathroom.

Don’t just barge in the bathroom if the door is closed.  Knock first AND WAIT for an answer.

Don’t yell at me through the door, expect me to answer the phone, ask for help with your homework, inquire what’s for dinner, discuss which shoes you should (or shouldn’t) wear or ask for a play date/sleepover/friend to come over while I’m in the bathroom for my allotted 3.5 seconds of the day.  Pounding on the door is also not helpful.

And, finally, I think the Olympics should have a team competition called “Bathroom Brawl”.  There should be one toilet per four bodies, the room can be no larger than 4’ x 10’ and must contain a full bath/shower, a sink, cabinet and the toilet.  One contestant must be a female who has had children; one contestant must be a middle-aged male on a diuretic.  All contestants will begin their challenge in a four-door car after having been fed a full meal and beverages.  They must race from the car (after unloading the take-home boxes, purses, coats and sporting equipment) to a door.  One of the teammates must fumble for the key to unlock the door while juggling the items in his or her hand (and needing to use the bathroom).  After being shouted at by the other members of the team, the door will be unlocked by another member and all four contestants must charge through the door, put down their items and call out their place in the bathroom lottery.  The first team to have all four contestants use the bathroom without peeing their pants wins.

Free!

Why not free everything?  Don’t we all, as human beings, have a RIGHT to have: 

Free Housing    

Free food          

Free fuel

Free transit

Free cars

Free toys

Free coffee

Free medical

Free clothing

Free shoes

Free education

Free internet

Free Tele/cell phones

Free email

Free insurance

Free travel

I say we just send all of our money, stocks, paychecks and spare change to the government and then we can live free of everything!  I wonder what happens when the government runs out of money and needs to find another way to finance the “everything is free” plan…

There are two freedoms - the false, where a man is free to do what he likes; the true, where he is free to do what he ought.  ~Charles Kingsley

Ch-ch-ch-changes

We went out to dinner last night; that’s not really blog-worthy as we eat out/order in more than we should; although I am trying to hold it to two eat outs and two order in's per month. 

What IS blog-worthy is that some pretty neat things happened while eating out.  It was just the three of us (“Tall-Skinny” is house-sitting) and we had errands to run so we left the house almost immediately after hubby got home from his hour commute (after staying 30 minutes late at work to complete a fix that he couldn’t do during the work day because of a FOUR-HOUR meeting). 

We drove to Red Robin; our choice of the night.  I wonder how other families choose their eating out place(s)?  Ours isn’t quite rock-paper-scissors, it’s more like we all say where we want to eat for the night and the majority wins.  If there’s no majority, then we try to remember who chose last time and delete their vote.  To be honest, we usually let the kids “win”.  They’re old enough now that if hubby and I want to go somewhere else, we’ll save it for “date night” and let the kids suffer with Peanut Butter/Nuttella sandwiches or macaroni & cheese. 

So, tonight all three of us wanted Red Robin (which is pretty blog-worthy in and of itself because we rarely all agree on the same place).  There wasn’t a line and we were seated right away, chose what we wanted and waited for our server. 

Here’s one of the noteworthy parts:  We didn’t order an appetizer, dessert and only hubby ordered alcohol.  Even more noteworthy is that I ordered WATER.  I didn’t order a Bailey’s shake (yummy) or a “Sand in the Shorts” (yummy as well) or a soda.  WATER.  Okay, my meal was off the appetizer menu, but it was my meal.

Our total bill came to $44 before tip; but it got even better.  I have a “Royalty Rewards” card which I forget about but remember to drag out when we’re paying.  We got one item free (the most expensive one, at that) for purchasing cumulative 10 items (there were only 5 on this order; 5 from previous visits).  That brought our bill down to $32 before tip; I left an $8 tip.  We paid $40 for the three of us to eat.  Right, that’s more than $12/person (including tip) but usually a meal out for three of us is $50 before tip because we order all the other crud that restaurants depend on to pad their income.

And did I mention that I ORDERED WATER.  I really don’t like water.  I know I’m supposed to drink more of it and I did a great job during pregnancy drinking my huge glasses continuously (and during nursing too), but frankly, water is just, bleh.  And flavored water is flavored bleh.  So I don’t usually drink my water during dinner.

Next cool thing was I checked the calorie count on the two things I was interested in eating (not salad, btw).  They were about the same, so I chose one that sounded the best.  I usually don’t check the calorie count before I order; I just throw caution to the wind and live on the edge.

Dinner was over and we needed to go to the pet store so I decided to walk across the parking area instead of getting in the car and driving there.  Yeah, I know what a sacrifice, but I had to work off some of the dinner calories somehow!  We all walked there (and back) to the car and then went on to our other errand.

All in all, after I logged in my counts for the day, I was only 35 calories over my goal for the day which made me feel I’d made some pretty good choices.  

Haiku (or not)

Warm bed

Full bladder

Which wins?

Little spider

shower ceiling

Stop staring

(no spiders were harmed in the writing of this Haiku)

Demand

So, let’s say you can’t have children.  Or maybe you don’t want children.  One is a lack of ability, the other a choice.  

And now, let’s pretend that the government mandates that everyone must have at least one child and if you don’t have at least one child, you’ll be fined or put in prison.  

This poses several problems as I see it:  The people who can’t have children must either adopt (what if they don’t meet the qualifications?) or go through painful and expensive medical procedures to conceive a child (they still may not be able to conceive a child).  The people who don’t want children are being forced to care for and maintain something they don’t desire. It’s also a problem that assumes that everyone is qualified to be a parent and that being a parent is a need for the populace.

Of course then there’s the question of complying with the law:  does every person need to have a child; or just each ‘family’?  What constitutes a family?  Does blood or genetics or marriage (civil or otherwise) make a family?  Can you provide a child for a member of your family up to a certain age (i.e. it is not their child, but your ‘extra children’ cover their need)?  Are there age limits – will you need to have a child if you are 50?  60?  70?  

And there is the question of who pays?  Who pays for the procedures, the medical and educational needs?  Does everyone pay the same amount?  Will people that are proven as unsafe to children be exempt from the mandate?  Will they still have to pay?

Seem unfair?  Socialistic?  Intrusive? 

Demanding that every person have healthcare is much like requiring everyone to have a child.  Some people don’t want health care at all, some want more and some want less.  Some don’t qualify for coverage and some qualify for everything but don’t need it all.  And some wouldn’t go to the doctor even if they had coverage.  

Should everyone have healthcare?  Yes.  Is it a right?  No.  Requiring health coverage is as absurd as demanding that every person have a car or a pet or a mortgage.  Or a child.

Trapped

The Plan:            Spend 30 minutes outside, soaking up some sun while letting the “kids” (7 mos and 2 years) play outside AND pruning back four bushes (or as much as I could get done in 30 minutes).

The Reality:        10 minutes to put on two coats and walk one downstairs, then bring the exersaucer and baby down in another trip.  Spend 5 minutes finding the appropriate tool and pruning only to have the phone ring and my son (who cannot leave a ringing phone be answered by the answering machine) brings it to me.  Spend 10 minutes on the phone (after walking back inside the house because the cordless “connection” won’t reach outside).  End phone call because the two year old is crying.  I don’t know why.  Calm the 2 year old down, go inside to get a Kleenex to wipe up the runny nose, re-position the two year old to play somewhere else (he’s still whining), and return to pruning.

Two year old starts crying again.  Re-direct the two year old to his favorite toy (after getting a hand broom so he can “sweep”).  Return to pruning.

Baby starts fussing and two year old is crying again.  Take baby, exersaucer and two year old inside.  Change diaper and put two year old down for nap.

Sum total time spent pruning 10 minutes. 

Trips up and down the stairs:  6

# of bushes actually pruned:  1/3 of 1 bush.

This is why I feel trapped.  This is why I sit at Facebook all day long.  Because the moment I start something, I have to tend to some other needy person (usually MY children or MY husband) and have to leave my project out in the open (subjecting said project to being destroyed or re-organized by other hands) or put my project away (meaning I have to start all over again).

Seriously.

Through My Eyes Book Review

Tim Tebow with Nathan Whitaker

It’s a known fact that I profess not to like the memoir/autobiography genre much; but it’s becoming kind of passé as I’ve found several in the last year that I’ve really enjoyed (The Vow, Rob Lowe) and a few that I’ve not (Untied).  Maybe it’s that I’ve moved past the dislike and maybe it’s just that sometimes people’s lives are interesting no matter how long they’ve lived.

I like football and consider myself a “fan” but not a “fanatic”.  I’ll admit I can follow the game, know some of the strategy; the details, plays and statistics are not the part of the game that I enjoy, let alone pay attention to.  I don’t remember from year to year who won the Super Bowl; the college Bowl games, the Heisman trophies or how many yards so and so rushed or passed to pass a record.  I simply enjoy the game for the game itself:  the competition, battle between teams, fun to watch and vent my anxieties at and choosing who my favorites are.

I watch football (and moreover sports in general) because I like what I like and don’t what I don’t.  I have favorite players and teams and players and teams I can't stand – for a variety of reasons that I’ll neither try to explain or defend in this post.  But I’ll give you some examples.

I despise Michael Vick for everything he’s done in his personal life that shows me the true character of his professional life.  He had no compassion for creatures that were in his care and I have no compassion for him.  For this reason, I also despise the Philadelphia Eagles, Subway and Nike as they have encouraged his celebrity and diminished the horror of his crime by giving him money for being who he is.

I like Eli and Peyton Manning, Dave Craig and had a huge crush on Art Schlichter (Ohio State, Indianapolis).  Yeah, I like quarterbacks -- I didn’t say I had a perfect selection system, I just like what I like.  

I have a pretty big hate vote for Alex Rodriguez and Ken Griffey Jr.  I’ve “met” them both in person and was less than impressed with their character which, eventually, became evident to the world in a HUGE way. 

But, this isn’t a post about fan picks, fantasy sports teams, mended ways or 2^nd chances, this is a book review; so I’ll get to it.

I love Tim Tebow.  Not in a crush kind of way where I think he’s cute (which he is) but because I think he is a fantastic role model for people of all ages.  He has a walk with God and a life that represents what our Christian Life should be; he’s the same in person that he is in private and he puts God and his family first before everything else.  I knew all of this before I read the book.  You can see it in his face, in his press conferences, on the sidelines, in his advertisements, in almost every (positive) media article that’s written about him.

And then I read the book.  It’s filled with references to God and family and discipline and service to others.  I don’t recommend you read the book if you find any of those things offensive or over the top.  He is very clear about his walk with God, his obligation to his family and his love of people:  Kids, coaches, siblings, teammates.  He has no problem listing his shortcomings, laughing at himself, pointing out his failures; he mentions on almost every page his understanding that God has his back, holds his hands, has his future all planned out.  Tim has no problem understanding and accepting that his “higher power” is in control and that it’s okay if “Timmy” doesn’t have a clue how it’s going to all turn out. 

Sure, He’s only been out of college a couple of years; but he’s got a life store in those couple of decades that easily filled the pages of this book.  His parents were told to abort him, his mother prayed and prayed and successfully carried him to term.  He has four older siblings; all of them home-schooled and all of them happy and serving God.  He graduated from college with a 3.66 GPA and received a Bachelor’s Degree in Family, Youth and Community Services.  He has a charitable foundation named after him, volunteers his time in the Philippines at an orphanage and is not afraid to show his faith and Christianity everywhere he goes, even on the football field.

And, he talks about football and baseball and basketball and golf.  He writes about how his story is his ‘platform’, given to him by God and he’s just as happy to do whatever it is that God has in store for him (but he’d prefer it be football, or something to do with kids).  He talks in detail about his football games; the backyard plays with his brothers, High School, College and his first year with the Denver Broncos.  He doesn’t gloss over his mistakes and he takes responsibility for them too; he expects nothing from his teammates that he doesn’t do himself.    He talks about the Eye Black Bible verses, college selection process, the crazy (and aggressive) games against some teams (whose fans should really get a grip on reality!), and playing through injuries (even though he admits and admonishes that NO ONE should ever do that).

This is a young man that has a lot of life yet to experience and I have no doubt that God will bless him no matter what he does, regardless of whether he’s a football player or just a player in the daily grind of life.

It was a great book and I highly recommend it to everyone:  football fans, Christians, those searching for God and anyone that wants proof that God has a plan for everyone’s life.