Betrayal

I guess I’m over-sensitive about things. I personalize what, in truth, wasn’t my doing at all. I’m arrogant enough to believe if I’d done something different, or said the right thing, or change a certain something; things would be different.


I don’t understand deceit; lies, sometimes – about hair or clothing or saying that you liked the movie when you really thought it was just plain trash. But deceit? Going behind someone’s back or not telling someone the whole story or hiding all the facts – that goes beyond trying not to hurt someone’s feelings because of a haircut or a dress.

I am beginning to see the dark and ugly side of life on a much more regular basis now. Following the rules on just the bare other side of cheating. Failing to take responsibility for actions you could have controlled or changed but chose not to. Making other people the excuse for your reactions or placing the blame and guilt on them when it was your fault it happened at all.

I feel betrayed. Why? You refused to accept the blame and reflect on the changes that should have been made; placing the blame on me. All would have been forgiven if you had just, could have just said “I’m sorry, it was my fault and I understand you did what you felt was right.” Instead, you took the blame, the excuses, and the hatred; gathered them around you like a blanket. Used them as a shield against accepting the extent of the damage you did. And carried that shield into battle; making it a hill to die on. The battle was against me; and you made it not only personal, but extended it to anyone and everyone that believed or trusted in me. Some of them never realized the extent of your bias, your hate, and contempt. But I knew, I found out, I realize how much hatred and anger you have carried.

You spread lies about me to people who have never even met me. You stoked the fires of hatred among those that needed no further prodding to believe the worst. You created confusion in situations where my name – my integrity – my reputation should not have even been questioned; because I had no involvement in the incident until you brought me into it.

And, then, you acted as if nothing had ever happened. As if you had forgotten the years of disrespect and scorn you threw around to anyone who would listen – and quite a few who didn’t care to. You smiled and pretended that it was all bygones. I almost believed that you had seen the folly, the errors, and the reasons.

I found out; not because I am nosey or wise or even have connections. But the deceit will always be transparent – even if not at present. You waited, silently, smilingly until you believed I was no longer a force; a presence. But the truth came out. And I see now that your pretense, your acting, your deceit was much more than I believed you capable of.

The hopes I held for our friendship being renewed have burnt in the fire of contempt you created.

I am finished.