Silence

So, apparently I wasn't supposed to tell people that we're cutting back on expenses and that eating out with a large group wasn't really in the budget.

Apparently, people trying to live within their means are supposed to take this vow of silence, and keep it quiet without letting anyone know.

Because no one else is too chicken to say "We can't afford it." or "We choose not to spend our money that way."

Instead I'm supposed to quietly ask for help from "those that can afford it" instead of letting everyone know my feelings.

Sorry, that doesn't work for me.  I said that WE wouldn't be participating because it wasn't in OUR budget.  And, I'm not too proud to ask for help, but that wasn't the point of the conversation.  Hopefully, someone else -- someone who is less comfortable voicing their opinion -- is struggling with keeping a tight rein on their finances too.

It's not the end of the world.  It's just dinner and we choose not to participate due to finances.  If it makes you uncomfortable that I talk about my finances or lack thereof, that's your issue and not mine.

The other day, while driving around (which I do a LOT), my mind wandered (it does that A LOT) to how else we could be cutting back on expenses.  Like many families, we are trying to stem the flow of our hemorrhaging bank accounts while continuing to live. 

It occurred to me, again, how expensive children are.  Parents-to-be and new parents are usually quite astounded at the cost of diapers, labor and delivery, and baby food; not to mention stroller, crib and clothing.  But, the costs only grow as the kids do.

Currently, I have two “children” living at home; one who is 14.  He, like his siblings before him have come to expect certain creature comforts like his own room, an un-ending supply of peanut butter, nuttella and sandwich bread; among other luxuries.

Organized sports are a luxury modern day kids seem to accept as a “necessity”.  We have participated in soccer, basketball, little league and football over the years.  All of these sports come with costs – physical, financial, emotional and time.  Sports are good for teaching team-building and good sportsmanship, skills and physical maturity.  It’s a great place to make friends and learn about the kinds of people you don’t want to hang out with. 

And, it’s financially expensive.  I ran a quick report on the sports expenses for this calendar year.  This year he’s only been involved in one sport, so it wasn’t a long list, but it was kind of…enlightening.  Over a sports season there are all kinds of costs that add up to a pretty big chunk of a budget.  Don’t believe me?  Here are my “facts”:

We start the year out by registering for football. 

Football Registration                            $300.00                   -- non-refundable, due before season begins.  This includes uniform pants, jersey with name, helmet and shoulder pads.

Then there are sporting goods like shoes, mouth guards, rib pads, girdle, knee pads, gloves, armbands, socks.  He grew out of last year’s shoes and gloves and the socks never make it more than one year so we have to buy those “new” every year.  Yes, I’ve tried used shoes, but I haven’t been fortunate enough to find friends with children whose shoes fit my child.  And, instead of driving around 16 places, I save gas and shop at just a few places.  He goes through 2-3 mouth guards each season; we had rib pads and kneepads from last year. 

Athletic Supplies (Various)                 $315.00

We’ve been fortunate to have most of our games on the “Eastside”; but out of 8 games, only three have been on our home turf.  We’ve had to drive to the other games, but have been fortunate to only have one “distant” game – Bainbridge Island.  We have to go there again this weekend for “playoffs” (we’re last in the league – what’s the point?).  Bainbridge Island is accessible by ferry boat or by driving around.  Both are pretty expensive, but driving around costs a lot of time in the car, so we chose the monetarily expensive ferry ride.  A little tourism with our football.

Driving to the ferry terminal in Seattle means we have to choose between two bridges; one a toll-bridge and one not.  We chose the toll-bridge because it’s closer and, well, as creatures of habit, the few times we drive to Seattle, we take this bridge.  Because we forgot to pay ahead for the toll online, there was an additional charge.  This weekend when we go, I’ve registered for the online toll, which is cheaper in the long run, but I had to put a balance online to activate the account.

“Good to Go”                                            $6.46                        -- driving across and back the first weekend

                                                                        $30.00                       -- set up account w/ balance for the 2^nd weekend

Based on all the driving over the season, I calculated that we used approximately one tank of gas.  I used a tank for the cheaper vehicle because that’s the one we usually use on the weekends.

Fuel (Estimated)                                      $60.00

The Washington State Ferry system charges for Driver plus passengers on the way out of Seattle, but only driver and car on the way back.

Ferry (To Bainbridge IS)                       $73.00                      -- this represents two trips over

Ferry (To Seattle)                                    $32.80                      -- this represents two trips back

And then, there are the other expenses like snacks.  We have to be an hour early for the games for weigh-in; then sit around while the boys warm up and the game before us finishes up.  Sometimes it’s a nice day with sunshine; mostly it’s wet or damp and cold and windy.  I’ve packed snacks from the fridge to tide us over for the approximately 2 hour game, plus the hour wait at the beginning; sometimes I’ve brought coffee in a thermos or popcorn (Trails-end of course!).  Sometimes we purchase a coffee or a meal on the road, but again, we’re trying to cut back so I had to plan ahead a bit.

Snacks                                                          $40.00

The league has a photo day every year.  It’s voluntary to purchase a photo, but it’s nice to have something relatively professional to add in to all the phone and digital camera photos that we take.  We purchase a team photo package and four magnets which we give to the older sisters and a neighbor.  We don’t have grandparents to send photos to, so it saves us a bit.

Photos                                                         $42.50

And then there are the expenses that aren’t expected but necessary.  The league is big on concussion recognition, so every time a kid gets hit or hurt, there’s the check-over by a team dad (who in our case happens to be a doctor).  On a particularly hot day, Blake got hit in the game and complained of a headache.  We all figured it was dehydration (WHY won’t they drink water when you tell them to?), but because of league rules we had to have him checked out by a doctor in a medical facility before he could practice or play again. 

Emergency Room Visit                          $20                             -- verify Blake did not have a concussion -- Co-pay

So what’s the grand total for this entire year (actually just 5 months – June through October) of football?

$866.86                                                       GULP!   That’s almost One-thousand dollars.

I haven’t even added in the season-end costs of coach gifts or the year-end “party”.  I’ll put that at roughly another $50, although if the “party” is dinner out, it will be closer to $100 (meal for three plus coach gifts). 

And I haven’t calculated the sports costs for the last 9 years or added in the costs for the next four.  That’s “a grand” just for one 5 month period of time in one child’s life.

Guess I’ll have to find another way to cut costs…maybe in my “next life” I’ll cut costs by not having kids.  J

Netbooks in every home

Recently LWSD made the decision to convert our schools from physical (paper) text books to net books for all students grades 6-12.  Phased roll-out to the schools included Inglewood and Rose Hill Junior High schools (now Middle Schools) among others.  Roll-out in phases was done to accommodate the learning curve for staff and to allow technical support to work out the bugs in a smaller test group before issuing the net books district-wide.

Netbooks are a small, lightweight laptop computer.  There are no “traditional” (non-USB) ports; although there are USB ports for thumb or mini-drives, printer connections and other plug-ins (peripherals) needed by a user.  The school netbooks will come pre-loaded with security and anti-virus software, online textbooks and are pretty “locked-down” as to things that could be uploaded by the user or accessed on the internet.

According to Kathryn Reith, Communications Director for Lake Washington School District, the “the funds for these machines come from the technology portion of the capital projects levy that was passed in the 2010 election. This program was part of the planned expenditures from that levy.”  There were additional costs incurred for textbooks (physical) and online licensing, OS and security software, but those were also covered in the CP levy.

As the netbooks are rolled-out to specific schools, parents will receive documentation including a Handbook, Agreement and Parent Letter/FAQ.

Netbooks usage will be handled in two ways:  Parents will sign and complete the agreement and pay for insurance in order to allow their student to take the netbook home; students with families who choose not to pay for insurance or sign the agreement will check the netbooks in and out of class every day, similar to checking out a library book.

The District has stated that families that do not have internet access or have security concerns about the netbooks may keep the netbooks checked-in at the school.  Netbooks are primarily for use in classrooms but will not be used in all classes or at all times.   Students that do not have net books will not be penalized but may miss out on in-class activities and projects that require use of the netbook.

From the LWSD Connections Newsletter:

Laptops for Middle, High School Students

If you have a student in middle or high school, your student's school may already have issued laptops to every student. The Mobile Access for Students program brings mobile computing devices - such as laptops and netbooks - into the classroom to improve learning. The program is possible thanks to a technology levy passed by voters in 2010.

By the December winter break, students at every middle and high school will have a district laptop for use in school and at home. To ensure that the operation of checking out the laptops goes smoothly and has adequate technical support, schools have been assigned to one of three phases during the fall. Schools selected their phase based on their readiness operationally and instructionally for the devices.

We have prepared a Mobile Access for Students section on the district website with information on why this program will help your student's learning, how it works, and frequently asked questions. Some examples of the way these devices have affected learning at schools in our district that piloted their use tell the story of how they have changed teaching and learning.

The parent agreement form, student laptop handbook and information on parent/guardian responsibilities are all posted on the Program Operation page. In addition, a copy of an optional insurance policy is posted there so parents can see whether it may be of interest to their family.

If your student's school is in the second or third phase of the roll out, the school will provide plenty of information in advance. For those whose has already gotten their laptop, you may want to refer back to the district site if you have misplaced or forgotten any of the information.

Based on these facts, I have some concerns as a parent of a student in LWSD:

·       Insurance is not required, but students with no insurance will be required to leave the net books at the school.  The district has arranged for insurance coverage with families paying $50 for a policy specifically designed for technology such as the netbook.  At this time, it is unclear if that $50 is for a calendar year (January through December) or a school year (September through June).  Considering that many students will not receive their net books until December (as is reported in the case of Redmond Middle School), it is likely that some families will pay the insurance, effectively twice in a school year.

·       My homeowners insurance will cover the netbook, but does not cover technology, per se.  According to my agent “the policy isn't really designed very well to cover single items where the value isn't terribly high.”  Our deductible is basically going to cover the cost of replacement of the item and if it were stolen we would have to show proof of “break-in”.  If the netbook were left at school, or in a backpack or a friend’s car or (think of all the places your student has left their sweatshirt, hair bands, shoes, wallet and you get the picture), we couldn’t qualify that as “stolen” even if it were stolen.  The theft would have to have taken place in our home.  

·       Not every family in the LWSD has internet access.  Regardless of the fact that we are minutes away from Google, Microsoft and hundreds of other technology companies; there are people that live without high speed internet or any internet at all.  The district’s solution is to offer a low cost internet access for $10 per month to these families. 

·       If the district’s goal is to do away with textbooks, but not all students will be taking their net books home, then won’t those students still need textbooks to complete homework?  Will textbooks still be available for those that choose to bring them home or study without the aid of technology? 

·       Redmond High School has approximately 2,100 students in attendance.  Consider if just 10% of those students do not take the net books home; 210 students in line every morning to check out their net books and those same 210 students every afternoon back in line to check them back in.   And, who hasn’t had a library book that you’ve returned show up “missing” with a fine attached?

·       How many phones or other electronic items has your student lost, misplaced or damaged in a year time period?  As a parent, we deal with these things by requiring the child to pay for the repair or replacement, loss of activities, privileges or making them work it off with sweat equity.  Those options are still in the hands of parents, but first we must pay for the replacement or repair and THEN get blood from the turnips that are our children.  And, while they’re suffering the consequences of losing or damaging the first net book, they’re given a loaner one to use in the interim.  (If my child loses or damages his personal phone or laptop, he’s out of said device until he’s paid for repair or replacement. I’m not forking over more money so that he can do it again and again and…)

·       So, potentially, a parent could be paying $50 for insurance, $100 for internet coverage (for 10 months) and up to $500 to replace or repair the unit.  This is on top of the lunch fees (reduced or not), class activity fees, instrument fee, ASB, photos, field trip and school supply costs that families pay for annually.  And that’s not even counting tutoring, sports, mileage, fundraising, clothing and all those other little fees that add up and deplete our budgets (and need I mention senior year which is in a category of its own?).  Add to that more than one student in the district and you’ll need a part-time job just to break-even.

I’ve spoken to a couple of parents and students who have already used the net book system and for the most part it’s received good reviews.  The security is so tight that nothing else can be installed on the netbook; a search engine is reachable, but it’s limited access (so no searching for Budweiser Bikini Girls or whatever else it is that young teenage boys look up when the parental units aren’t looking).  One of my student friends reported that her teacher was going to ask for all reports and projects to be handed in electronically.  She says it’s easier to carry the netbook than carrying 50 lbs. of text books and cramming them in her locker.

The district’s motto is “Every child future ready” and I know technology is not just the future; it’s the here and now.  I’m concerned that with all these exercises to make our children future ready, the basics are being overlooked.

According to National Center for Education Statistics “On average, 3.4 percent of students who were enrolled in public or private high schools in October 2008 left school before October 2009 without completing a high school program (table 1).”

“Combining data from the 50 states and the District of Columbia, approximately 607,000 public high school students dropped out of grades 9–12 during the 2008–09 school year (data not shown in tables). This translates into an event dropout rate of 4.1 percent.”

Although there have been several reports that the district has scored highly in national testing and has improved recently; I wonder how many of these graduates are ready for the future.   Knowing how to operate a net book will not make up for the lack of spelling, vocabulary or comprehension skills that many high school students possess.  Having the opportunity to read and manipulate stories and projects in real time will not offset the lack of basic math knowledge or organizational skills necessary to compete and succeed in the current workforce.  Technology is many things, but the creator of knowledge it is not.

I am concerned that although test scores show improvements, our children are falling further and further behind in graduation standards, college preparedness and useful life skills.  Many students need tutoring just to keep up; not necessarily to take AP or other college level courses in secondary school. 

“Some states no longer emphasize spelling or grammar since that knowledge is not required for state tests. As a result, middle school children may know the definition of SAT vocabulary words such as "perambulate" and "quiescent," but they don't know how to spell such basic words as "independence" or when to use commas or semicolons. Parents turn to tutors to help their kids bone up on these fundamentals.” 

“Findings released Monday by the non-profit College Board show that 57% of 2012 graduating seniors who took the SAT, which it owns, earned a combined score below what it says is necessary to show that students can earn a B-minus or better in the first year at a four-year college.”

I am not suggesting that we return to chalkboards and papyrus sheets in order for students to succeed; but it is imperative that we not overlook the necessity of basic educational skills in our quest to race our children to the future.

Paige Norman

Redmond, Washington

Just so you know…

I don’t put everything I think or want to say in this blog.  Someday, after I’m *gone*, someone will dig into my laptop hard drive and find all the horrible, hateful, mean-spirited, un-Christian things I’ve thought and said and written down but not posted for all the world to see.  My only hope is that by the time that all happens, the “OS” will have changed and someone will have to get a converter to read the “old” Word formatted documents and they won’t bother.

One of the reasons I write first on Word and then copy and post to Blogger is so that those terrible thoughts that cross my mind frequently do not end up in the blogosphere for all to read. 

I am outspoken and unkind and sarcastic and mean and all those other adjectives that I’m certain people must think about me when they read what I do post.  It’s a constant struggle to keep my mouth shut and reflect the person I think God wants me to be instead of the person I actually am.

Just so you know…

Pollyanna’s Reality

The past few months I’ve been beginning my Facebook day with a post that says “God is Good!”  Today I’m thankful for…”

The thanks range from coffee (every.single.day), my husband, or walking with a friend.  Some of my friends have commented in a variety of ways; mostly positive. 

I have to admit that it hasn’t been easy to find something I’m thankful for every day; which is MY purpose for the whole exercise.  Sure, I’m VERY blessed.  We have a house, two cars, healthy kids and grand kids, my husband is employed and life is pretty darn good.

But let’s face it, reality reminds us every day about all the negatives we have to overcome.  The toilet still plugs, the laundry still piles up, the dog or the baby throws up.  Sleepless nights make working days drag by.  Children fail classes, we have to constantly re-arrange an over-booked calendar and the darn car needs gas again.  Groceries get more and more expensive, my husband (or kid or myself) broke another dish, and we stub our toe letting the cat out at night.  And the list goes on and on and…

So, I am trying every day to think of one good thing about the day.  I have rules, but they’re not hard and fast. 

• I have to think of at least one thing every day I’m thankful for.
• It cannot ALWAYS be coffee (although, trust me, at 6 AM I am ALWAYS thankful for coffee).
• I will make every attempt not to be snarky or mean-spirited (For instance, I can’t say I’m thankful that your kid is not my kid).
• It may be funny, but it should have some truth to it as well.
• It may (or may not) be directed at a specific person.

It’s not as easy as you think.  So I start off in the morning and sometimes I can be thankful for something very easily.  And some other mornings (many, in fact) I’ve woken up wrong or my head/back/neck hurts or the alarm doesn’t go off or… and then I REALLY have to think of what I’m thankful for. 

• I’m thankful that my husband has a job.  I’m not thankful that he has an hour commute or that he’s sometimes in a bad mood.  Or that he has to work weekends.  Or that the pager sometimes messes up our plans.
• I’m thankful that my sons haven’t been injured in sports.  I’m thankful the ER doesn't know our family by name.  I’m thankful that I buy a lot of band-aids but don’t use very many.
• I’m thankful that there’s a paycheck every two weeks that covers our expenses.  I’m not thankful that no matter how hard I try, there are always more expenses than money.
• I’m thankful that I can work at home and have very flexible employers.
• I’m thankful that I have friends who bring me gifts when I’m having a bad day. 

What do you have to be thankful for?  Think about it the next time you’re plunging the toilet or changing a diaper.  Try and find one good point about that negative thing that is really stressing you out.  It doesn’t make everything perfect or even close.  But you might find that you’ll be thankful for more than you realize.

Family is Everything

I’m going to have to stop telling people I’m an only child.  This, in fact, has always been a lie; although explaining to people why it’s not true usually makes their eyes glass over and roll back in their heads.  So, I’ll try.

I have two brothers; one by blood and one through family.  Clear as mud, right?

My adoptive parents – who I have ALWAYS called “Mom” and “Dad” (and that will never, ever change) raised me as an only child as there were no other children in their household while I was growing up.  But I knew I had a “brother”.

My dad, Gordon had been in a relationship with a woman before he married my mom, Marjorie.  It’s unclear whether they married and I haven’t been able to find legal proof that they did, but they conceived a child together.  The real story is unclear and I only have the memory of my mother based on my father’s telling of the story to go by.  In any case, the child was born several weeks premature on December 25, 1949; completely blind and with severe brain damage.  He lived with my parents for a time but required constant care.  After I was born he went to live at a hospital and became a “ward” of the State of California.

I can remember my mother driving down to the hospital in Loma Linda, California (actually it’s in Pomona but she always said Loma Linda) several times a year to visit my brother.  As a child this didn’t seem abnormal because my parents told me my brother was very sick and lived in a hospital.  After my father died and we moved to Oregon, the visits stopped, although I know my mother still received annual reports on his health and welfare.

After my mother’s death in 2005 I contacted the social worker and asked to be listed as the next of kin.  Basically that means I am notified annually of his health and progress but have no “real” say in his care.  Annually the staff gets together and discusses his case and then I’m sent a report with every minuscule detail of his care.  It’s pretty confusing and interesting at the same time.  Every year I’m invited to attend in person or to conference call into the meeting.  Every year I’ve been intimidated and have declined the invitation.  This year I decided I wanted to make it work and the social worker graciously sent me a reminder and explained the process as well as forwarded on the agenda so I could follow along.

I won’t bore you with the details, but it was fascinating to have all those doctors, nurses, social workers and other staff in one room talking to me about a person that I’ve really never met.  It was a bit surreal.  They all took time to explain things to me; from acronyms to procedures.  They let me ask questions and answered them patiently and clearly.  It was obvious that they knew his likes and dislikes, needs and wants very well and took very good care of him.

 

And then, about 20 minutes into the meeting, there was the sound of a door opening (Oh, how I wish I had Skype) and the doctor leading the meeting said “Mrs. Norman, your brother is here.  Would you like to say hello to him?”  I could barely speak but managed a brief “Hello Gordon.”  He made a few guttural sounds that could roughly be interpreted as speaking, but more likely it was just him making noises.

My brother Gordon will never speak; will never see and will never function in “normal” society.  He will live in a care facility for the rest of his life with diapers and attendants and therapists monitoring his every move.  He likes music time (two hours per day, five days a week) but doesn’t really like people in his personal space.  He has a pacemaker, a GT (feeding) tube and has no concept of money or birds or cars or time.  He is in a wheelchair as his walking is so slow and shuffling; he frequently falls and hurt himself.  He probably has no memory or understanding of mother or father or sister.  They’re just words.

But the opportunity to “meet” him over the phone was incredible.  It brings tears to my eyes just to think about it again.  The staff encouraged me to send him photos for his room – he can’t see them, but they’ll make his room look more lived in and the staff can describe them to him.  They encouraged me to visit for a short or long time anytime I wanted to; they’d make every effort to make it a good experience for Gordon.

Photos and visits won’t make any impact on Gordon – I understand that.  There’s no “value” in visiting someone who is so profoundly mentally impaired that he has the function of at best an 18 month old but is 62 years old and wears a diaper.  But, he’s my brother.  My family.  A link to my father.  Another piece of me.

I also have another brother; one that I’m related to by blood.

I’m adopted.  My birth mother and birth father weren’t married when I was conceived.  My birth mother moved across the country – quite literally – to live with friends during her pregnancy and until she had delivered me.  She returned back to her home and eventually married my (birth) father.  My birth father had been married before and had a son from that marriage; this son is my half-brother. 

I’ve never met my half brother, but I know his address, phone number (thanks to the wonder of the internet) and could probably introduce myself and create a whole boatload of familial issues if I wanted to.  I haven’t yet dredged up the courage to start that road show yet.

One day I may and I’ll meet another part of my family.  A link to my mother and father.  Another piece of me.

Open Water

Yesterday, our family had an experience that I hadn't even realized was on my bucket list.  I've sailed before -- took lessons on a small craft years ago, participated in the Lake Union Duck Dodge and sailed with the Sea Scouts a few years ago with Blake and James.  Russ has worked on boats for work (research boats).

At Faith Lutheran School's auction earlier this year we won the bid for "A Day at Sea". Our day at sea put us aboard a 36 foot boat called Kyrie out of the Edmonds Marina; and included lunch and either the chance to sit and do nothing (relax) or actually crew the boat.  Our host was David Odendahl.

 

We met David at the Marina, shortly before 10 AM and we boarded the boat.  After a brief safety and informational talk, we cast off and began our adventure at sea.  All four of us said we wanted to work the boat, so David put us to work in various ways from hoisting or trimming the sails or standing at the helm and steering the boat.

We tacked back and forth across the sound about 6 times in the course of our day.  Some of the highlights were a container ship with a boat and several construction vehicles on top, birds and other wildlife, antique planes flying overhead and miles and miles of sunshine and blue water.

a boat and several construction vehicles on the top!

Blake the Powder Monkey

The Main sail

Finding our location on the map

Russ and James

Miles and Miles of blue

We had a lovely day and the boys were all smiles.  They were both a bit unhappy that I made them go -- especially when I said there were no electronics allowed.

"What will we do all day?  No fishing?  No Swimming?  No Whale Watching?"

Everyone had a great time and we headed back into harbor by 3:15.  A bit wind-burned, very tired and our heads filled with experiences of sailing, pirating and living the high life.

As you can see, the boys didn't miss their electronics at all...