I tried (unsuccessfully, apparently) to avoid this event during the auction that I attend annually. I ‘forgot’ to put my bidder number down until it was too late and they said they’d put it on later, but they didn’t, so I thought I jumped slick.
A couple of weeks before the event I talked to the event coordinator (a teacher at the school, and a friend) and she told me someone had donated a round of golf and they immediately thought of me. I have to admit my first thought was akin to my first thought when meeting a blind date – “What EXACTLY made you think of me?” SO, I checked my calendar – Monday? Okay, not too many kids and Hubby is home (dang) so, I guess I don’t have an excuse, er, um, I mean a reason not to. Excitement on the other end of the phone; anxiety on my end of the line.
And, I do mean ANXIETY. First of all, I’m not a vain person. I rarely look in the mirror or “do” my hair or remember to put on jewelry. My daily uniform is jeans, shoes (if I have to), warm socks, a sweatshirt and a couple of shirts. Add my glasses and my cell phone and I’m dressed for the day. Not exactly country-club-golfing-attire. WHAT DO I WEAR, I anxiously asked my
Do yourself a favor. IF you’re ever asked to golf with a friend and you’re not a golfer, DON’T look up “Golf Attire” on the internet. You just did, didn’t you? Yeah, well, so did I. Okay, so I settled for a pair of khaki pants that I have and one of my husband’s polo shirts. With a long sleeve fleece underneath; I also brought a sweater (not sweatshirt) and a raincoat.
I also sneaked a peak at the “correct” way to hold the golf club.
The day is here, and I nervously drive to the Club; giving myself pep talks all the way there. My friend doesn’t golf well either, she tells me. This either means she’s being nice or just trying to make me feel better. Either way, I’m not buying it (but it actually is true, she wasn’t that much better than I). We are a threesome – the only female team in the tournament and the match is called “Scramble”. The idea is each player on the team hits the ball, and the ball that lands the closest to the pin (hole) is the one all players advance to and hit again, until you eventually (hopefully) get the ball into the hole. I won’t go over the basics of golf here; you can look those up while you’re viewing golf grips, gloves, and attire.
We have a box lunch, purchase our drinks (soda for me and water), get in our carts and off we go. Each team starts at a different hole, so we’re not all tangled up at the beginning waiting for each other. We start at the first hole; I watch my teammates to see which club they choose and follow suit (I don’t have my own set of clubs, I’m borrowing theirs). I manage to put the ball on the tee and attempting to remember my quickie instruction on grip, I assume the stance and think “Holy crap, what am I doing!” I swing; (whiff) and my teammates say “Nice Practice Swing!” ha ha. On my 2nd swing I make contact and the ball veers left, but makes it a fair ways toward the goal. Not a bad first shot. I also note that my compatriots have swing issues as well, so between laughs and giggles, we continue on our way. This was basically the entire day (four and a half hours) in a nutshell:
• Put the ball on the tee (or drop at the spot we’re driving from)
• Attempt to look like I know what I’m doing
• Miss the shot completely (practice swing x 2)
• Remind myself it’s OKAY to hit the grass
• Use a new swear word “OH DIVOT!”
• Walk back to the cart, take a drink (soda or water)
Repeat for another 80 or so shots.
I have no idea what our final score was, we lost track after 6 on most holes. We did manage to make par on a couple of holes, but really, it was mostly just a lot of walking, replacing divots, laughing, and commenting on which tree and which house we were ‘aiming’ for (we weren’t REALLY aiming at houses, it was more like the broad side of a barn to attempt to scatter shot at).
At the end of the day I can say I have played, in real life, 18 holes of golf. I’m pretty sure the LPGA won’t be calling me any time soon, but I’m also pretty sure when asked I’ll do it again.
I have another year to practice. I wonder if it’s possible to wear out the Wii Golf mechanism?
Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards? ~Al Boliska
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