What do you DO ALL DAY???

Recently the youngest of my children has been comparing his “chore list” to the amount of things he thinks I do every day.  “Why do I have to do that?”  “Why do you get all that (computer/TV/free) time and I only get a little?”   {By the way, this is the REAL point of everything he complains about – I have all this time to do “whatever I want” while he constantly is required to slave away with no time to himself at all…}

My standard response is to defend myself.  And, as I suspect many of my mom friends do, I feel guilty about how “little” I actually do to “earn my free time”.  You know what I mean.  Your kids see you constantly in front of the computer or sitting on the couch reading or watching TV.  It’s like you do nothing else all day; and when we review the day in our heads, all we blame ourselves for is how “little we got done that day”.

So, I want you all to spend a bit of time with me and think about how much we actually do for our families that are really over-looked and give ourselves credit for how much we actually do for other people. 

Is there milk in the fridge?  Orange juice, yogurt, eggs, cheese sticks and all the other snacks that seem to disappear at warp speed? 

Who makes the shopping list every week and remembers to replace the chocolate sauce that you know you’re out of, but didn’t use the last of without putting on the list?

Is it you that remembers to take the clothing to the dry cleaners and pick it up?

Balancing the check book, paying the bills, budgeting, depositing or withdrawing money.    All those things magically happen on their own, right?

The laundry is apparently capable of washing, drying and folding itself if I were to believe my children.  Think about this – with a mind of its own, the dirty clothes (who can tell if they’re dirty or clean) fly themselves to the laundry room, sorted by color and fabric (of course).  They are then capable of opening the washing machine lid, stuffing themselves inside while pouring the appropriate amounts of detergent, stain remover and fabric softener in the dispensers.  After starting the cycle by twisting the knobs or pushing the correct buttons for fabric and length, they swim around in their warm, soapy bath and then are spun damp.  At this point they magically move themselves to the dryer and clean out the lint trap (don’t forget to throw the lint away!).  At the end of their busy journey, they fold themselves and return to their drawers, neatly stacked.  Yeah, right.

Meal planning, grocery shopping, putting it all away; not to mention loading the kids in and out of the car and keeping them occupied while you do it all.  Don’t forget the constant chorus of “mom, I forgot I NEED…” at least once a week which requires a separate trip – usually after you just got home – to some store that closed an hour ago (and is the only store that has it in stock, but your child has known about the need for over a week).

What about updating the calendar with doctor and dentist appointments, keeping track of immunizations, allergies and medications and pulling the kids out of school while juggling your work schedule, the sports schedule and how much gas you have in your tank at the same time.   And I’m sure you’re one of those people who have juice boxes and snacks in the car (or drive through the fast food place) because, unfortunately they HAVE to eat.  Again.

And don’t forget the gifts, cards and parties that never seem to end.  Or the cupcakes/brownies/snacks for the baseball team or ballet class while remembering who has a peanut allergy or doesn’t like chocolate.

Reading lists?  Homework?  Checking the grades online?  Emailing the teachers or responding to what-seems-like a thousand emails a day?  Returning phone calls and checking the answering machine/voicemail? 

How about fundraisers, booster clubs, concert or performance events?  Keeping the uniforms washed (or at least remembering where they dropped on the floor) while helping your shy child sell more cookies or popcorn by using email or some social network to post their current fund-raising need.  And then following up by helping said child deliver the product and collecting the money.

Sorting through the piles of junk that come into our lives every day:  field trip forms, reading lists, homework sheets, junk mail, flyers, coupons, newspapers, event reminders, bills, newsletters, leftover pieces of paper that would give hoarders a run for their money if they weren’t taken care of at semi-regular intervals.

And what about that constantly updating “to-do” list in your head?  Wash the windows, repair the hole, dust the furniture, call a friend, buy more socks, charge the batteries, call the tree guy… 

Add all these things to your work, schooling, eating, sleeping and relationship time and you’ve done nothing all day long; or so it seems. 

The next time you feel like you haven’t done ANYTHING all day long – or someone accuses you of the same; remember all the “little” things you do every day, every week that make others’ lives easier and more manageable.

And give yourself a break while you read your book, take a bath, play on Facebook or chat with a friend.  You deserve it.

I haven’t written much about this subject because it’s bound to upset someone and, knowing that I’ll hurt someone’s feelings or make them mad, I’ve tried to avoid the issue in general discussion.

Let’s talk about Boy Scouts of America and homosexuality.

I’d like to start off by saying that I don’t hate homosexuals, nor do I wish them any harm.  I don’t know how God will decide if they go to heaven or not and I don’t have the answers regarding why some people are “born that way” or not.  I also don’t understand bacon-maple-bars or why anyone would jump out of (perfectly good) airplanes, but that doesn’t make maple bars or sky-divers wrong or evil.  I don’t think AIDS/HIV is God’s punishment for homosexuality (but it is a consequence just like pregnancy is a consequence of sex).  I don’t find homosexuals creepy or scary or evil.

But, I don’t agree with them either.  Marriage isn’t a right for anyone.  Sex was designed for the creation of children.  Yes, we as a species enjoy the act of sex – to my knowledge we were designed to do so.  But sex is not just about pleasure and love; it’s about making babies.  Biologically, physically, emotionally, it’s hard for me to rationalize that our bodies that were made to fit like two puzzle pieces – man and woman – should be used in a way that doesn’t fit.  It’s like two negative sides of a magnet.  They push away; they don’t attract like a negative and a positive.

However, I don’t get to decide who anyone else is attracted to or even who they marry or have sex with.  And, I can’t honestly say I understand why God would “allow” same sex attraction when he specifically forbids it in both the Old and New Testaments of the Bible.  I know that adultery and substance abuse are spoken against in the Bible as well as other things that God considers sin.  I also know that God gives us, his creations, free will so that we can choose to obey his laws or go against them. 

Sermon over; opinion starting.

Boy Scouts of America is a PRIVATE organization and not open to everyone.  It’s not open to girls (although allows female leaders); it’s not open to children under the age of 6 and over 21.  And, as the organization lays out its membership “rules” in every book and manual, it’s not a surprise that they expect there to be a moral code.

I won’t argue what morality is or if people choosing to live against God’s laws can be moral or not.  We’re all sinners and there are really no levels of sin (although there are some sins listed as abhorrent).  It’s not like alcoholics will have a different level of salvation than murders or rich people than poor.  Our salvation is based on choice and our willingness to live according to God’s laws is how I believe God judges our eternal reward.

 

BSA specifically states that they have a moral code and that members must have some sense of religion or spirituality.  Scouts at every rank level are asked to review their family’s religious beliefs.  BSA is available in many countries and open to many religions including Muslim, Catholic, Buddhist, Jewish, Orthodox and Protestant.  (Wikipedia)

Robert Baden Powell felt strongly about religion – specifically Christianity – in the program saying “We aim for the practice of Christianity in their everyday life and dealings, and not merely the profession of theology on Sundays…” (Scouting for Boys, Baden-Powell, Oxford University Press). 

Christianity has several references to same-sex relationships, marriage and homosexuality in the Bible; Islam has writings in the Koran, and many other religions speak against same-sex attraction – even if they do not forbid it.

BSA is NOT a religious organization; however it is a private organization and privately funded through donations and membership dues.  It has a nationally recognized non-profit status and until recently, its membership requirements have not been questioned. 

By asking the BSA to change its membership requirements to fit the current society is not only wrong but selfish.  There are many organizations available to youth that have many of the benefits of the scouting program.  Watering down any organization to make it a one-size fits all program lessens the effectiveness of the program as a whole.

The purpose of the BSA program is to turn boys into men.  It’s not to tell them whom to love or marry or even which religion to choose. It’s not about getting straight A’s or being a mechanic or a missionary.  The program helps boys learn to be leaders and give them a comfort level with many activities and experiences they might not otherwise be able to participate in.  Learning to play marbles or shoot BB guns or use a knife safely; planning a healthy meal and perform first aid and show community and civic pride. 

None of these programs specifically tell anyone they can’t love who they want; but when it comes to the part about staying morally straight and being reverent it’s difficult for me to imagine how anyone who isn’t living according to some scriptural principle could consider themselves reverent or moral by directly disobeying specifically mentioned restrictions in a holy book; regardless of which holy book it is.

I have friends who feel very strongly that this is a discrimination issue; much like racism or slavery.  If everyone had to join the BSA in order to get into school or college or get a job, I might feel the same.  No one is forcing someone to be a scout or to live in a moral fashion.  No one is deeming which religion is right and wrong.  You’re not forbidden from drinking from a specific fountain or attending school if you’re not a scout.

In fact, unless you’re wearing your uniform or a BSA insignia, no one would know you were a scout unless you told them. You’re not required to wear a star on your coat or a caste mark on your forehead to signify your membership.  No one denies you from entering college or applying for a scholarship based on your BSA membership status.

Joining a private organization is a choice.  If you don’t like the rules, don’t join.  If you don’t want a milkshake, don’t get one.  Don’t like cars?  Ride a bike.  Hate credit cards?  Pay cash.  Don’t require everyone to follow your choices.  No one is making anyone be a Cub or a Boy Scout.  You can choose not to wear the shirt and say the oath and follow the motto.  But if you choose to join the ranks, then you’d better agree with the viewpoints of the organization instead of changing them to fit your needs.

My recommendation is that if you don’t like the game; walk away and start your own game somewhere else.  Develop your own program that includes the rules and values that you support.  Order your coffee without whip cream or with organic, free-trade beans.  But don’t make everyone else follow your values just because you feel left out or guilty or convicted.