I was a teenager once...

Contrary to the belief of my teenage son, I DO REMEMBER what it was like to be a teenager. Not a teenage boy, granted, but a teenager nonetheless.


I was the only child of a single mother (my dad died before I became a teenager). I lived before cable TV (we had a HUGE antennae), Computers, Internet and gaming stations.

Homework was assigned by teachers and turned in on paper. I don’t remember typing a paper for school until I was in college.

I had a license and a car and a job and friends and homework. I went to the football games, had a crush on the quarterback, went to dances and played volleyball. I performed with the choir and was painfully shy around everyone but my closest friends. I went to Youth Group, attended church; I loved the Bay City Rollers and the Monkee’s and Andy Gibb and Olivia Newton-John. We went to drive-in movies and movies in the theater too.

I went to a public and a private school during High School and carried B’s in most of my classes. I was disrespectful to my mom but never lied to her about anything. I had chores and responsibilities around the house. I had a curfew. I don’t EVER remember breaking it. I hung out with friends that were ‘good’ and friends that were ‘bad’, but didn’t get into trouble (unless you consider sneaking a friend or two into the drive-in ‘bad’).

I had no plans for the ‘future’ except to get married, have children and be a wife/mother. I took typing and shorthand, because I knew I’d likely have to work before or during marriage and I was good at secretarial things.

I left home at (barely) 18, attended college in another state and, again got pretty good grades. Math has always been an issue for me; it’s not my strongest subject. But I passed my classes (except Algebra in High School). I enjoyed what I learned, disliked (but not hated) homework and studied as much as I had to.

I would love to say I’m a great parent; but I’m not. It would be easy to say I’m a horrid parent, but I’m not that either. It would be effortless to blame the school or the counselor or the teachers; but it’s not their fault either. I’m just a confused, tired parent who doesn’t understand my teen’s attitude about his life. I don’t understand how to motivate or encourage him to do what’s expected of him.

I don’t know how to get him to understand the expectations aren’t mine; they’re the expectations of society. The opportunities he is so gladly, willingly squandering are prospects he can’t easily get back.

I’m not the prospective employer looking at just one more resume of yet another teenager who wants a job. I’m not the college admissions board reviewing school records. I’m only the parent who knows what a great kid he is; the great kid that doesn’t show up on school records or resumes.

Not sure who told me girls were more difficult than boys; that hasn’t been my experience at all. My girls held jobs, had boyfriends and passed their classes. They were motivated to do well – even if they hated a teacher or a class or an assignment.

It’s strangely comforting to know that I’m not the only parent with a senior that is possibly not going to graduate. It’s sad that the shared experience of the moms is that somehow WE’VE failed our children. The dads put on a good front and say “They’ll make it”. The mom’s search through their brains, lie awake at night pondering, spend the days trying to figure out at what point they knew their child would fail; but there isn’t a day or a moment or an event that flashed “Failure”! But we still hope they’ll make it. We still hope they’ll pull that miracle out of the sky.

I don’t know how to get past “He’s not going to graduate = I have failed as a mother”. It tears me up inside. I realize the reality is that he’s made choices and that he’ll have to deal with the consequences of those choices. He’s chosen not to do the work; chosen not to turn them in; chosen to be late, chosen to wait until the last minute; chosen to miss appointments with his school counselor. I realize that I have done what I can and that some things he has to learn for himself; the hard way. But it’s painful to watch him purposefully fail. Not because he doesn’t have the ability to succeed, but because he’s chosen to fail.

And that he doesn’t care.

He isn’t likely to graduate from High School. And it’s killing me.

History vs. Contemporary

There are quite a few churches and ‘Christians’ who seem to find the Bible out of date, old-fashioned and unfashionable. Some of the most common protests are that the Old Testament (OT) and New Testament (NT) are vastly different and because they were written about the times in those periods, they aren’t relevant for our times. For instance there are verses in the OT about stoning adulterous women, but no one would think of doing that in modern times.

And, when Paul spoke about marriage, homosexuality and other pitfalls of physical attractions and relationships, it’s said that Paul wasn’t married and couldn’t possibly know what he was talking about.

Besides, if the Bible is written by men, through dictation from God, how can we trust that those men didn’t bend his words a bit, change it to fit them?

Yesterday I read a passage in Romans regarding OT scriptures and their usage in then-modern day times. Romans 15:4 says “For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.” I have a NKJV version of the MacArthur Study Bible, which has notes and explanatory writings as well as cross-references to other verses in the footnote section throughout the Bible. The footnote for Romans 15:4 explains this passage: “The divinely revealed OT (written by man but the words are God’s), written for our learning. Although Christians live under the New Covenant and are not under the authority of the Old Covenant, God’s moral law has not changed and all Scripture is of spiritual benefit (1 Cor. 10:6, 10,11; 2 Pet. 1:20, 21).

What caught me here is that it doesn’t matter WHEN the words were written, or under which set of laws we follow from the Bible. What matters is that GOD’S MORAL LAW HAS NOT CHANGED.

To me, that means the 10 commandments are just as morally correct today as they were the day Moses brought them down from the mountain. Although I’ll admit I think stoning an adulterer is a bit much, I do think that most legalities discussed in both NT and OT are morally valid for ANY society; no matter the calendar year.

God’s moral law has not changed and will not change to keep from offending a society, no matter whom or how they read the words.