Two mommies

I have two moms. No, not like Heather does. I have a mom that gave birth to me and a mom that raised me.

The mother that gave birth to me I know a little about. She was unmarried to my father when I was conceived and born, she moved to the other side of the country to have me and gave me to a man and a woman who wanted children, but couldn’t have any of their own. She lived there awhile and then returned to her home, her family and eventually (I’ve been told) married my birth father. She was 34 years old when I was born; I don’t know if she had other pregnancies or children. I know she is Italian in heritage; born in the United States and has lived for most of her life on the east coast. I don’t know what she looks like, if she’s kind or good or happy or healthy. I don’t know any medical history on her or the family I descend from.

I know she had the care and love and concern not to end the pregnancy; a pregnancy that wasn’t convenient, may not have been planned and certainly wasn’t condoned or approved of by her parents. I know she cared enough about the life growing inside of her to move across the country and live for close to two years; living with people she didn’t know and giving up her baby to strangers.

I wonder if she thinks about me as I think about her. I wonder if holidays and birthdays make her wonder who and what I’ve become. I wonder if she wonders what her grandchildren look like or if she wishes she could hold them or talk to them. I wonder (but think I know she didn’t) if she told anyone about me eventually; if she told my father, my grandparents, and her family.



The mother that raised me was a wonderful woman and I can’t imagine taking on a newborn at 47 years old – the age I am right now. I know she had been married once before and experienced several miscarriages that left her unable to bear children. She married my (adopted) father after years of being single and never expecting to fall in love, let alone marry or have a child. She raised me alone for many years after dad died and I wonder how difficult that must have been to be a single, older mother of a teenage girl. I had an idyllic childhood filled with friends, family, pets, love and a wonderful home. I wanted for nothing. She never failed to let me know I was chosen, adopted and that the choice was one of the best things she had ever done.

The mother that raised me met all four of her grandchildren, but not her great granddaughter. She attended my wedding and was present at the birth of my first child. She loved me above all – sometimes I think to the detriment of herself.

She never made me feel adopted or unloved or unwanted. She respected the choice made by someone else and never took it for granted. She taught me to cook and to stand up for myself and that beauty wasn’t on the outside but on the inside.

She raised me as I think my birth mother would have done. I love my moms.

My Bucket List

1. Vacation in Scotland, Ireland and England for at least a month (each)

2. Watch the ponies at Chincoteague

3. Fly in a helicopter

4. Fly in a hot-air balloon

5. Live in a house on the beach for a year

6. Visit every Disneyland Park in the world

7. Learn Italian

8. Live in Italy for a year

9. Travel to Greece

10. Visit Oktoberfest

11. Finish and publish a book

12. Go to the Indy 500

21

Twenty-one years ago, June 3, 1989, I married my husband. His third marriage, my first. We started life with two kids; 4 and 7, both daughters – one each from the first two marriages. We’re 10 years apart in age (almost 11 he likes to remind me) and come from different backgrounds. He was raised Methodist; I was raised Assembly of God. His parents celebrated their 50th anniversary; I was raised mostly by my mom (my dad died when I was 11). His family went on camping, hunting and fishing vacations, my family took me to Hawaii, Mexico, the Caribbean and other exotic place. He has two sisters, I am an only child.

We have, in our twenty-one years survived one job lay-off, two company reorganizations, two years of unemployment, births of two boys, death of three parents, two grandchildren, two son-in-laws and two dogs, four cats, one bearded dragon and one hamster.

We met on a blind date – arranged by the best friend of ex-wife #2. I’m convinced to this day she was attempting to make amends for breaking up marriage #2 due to the introduction of ex-wife #2’s soon-to-be-third husband. NO one, his family, my family; and yes, probably even us, though it would last this long. Who in their right mind would marry a man that had been married twice before and expect it to work out? Who in their right mind would marry a girl who wanted more children and had no life experience?

Marriage is not what I dreamed of as a young girl – you know – the prince rescues you from the tower and you live happily ever after. I didn’t need rescuing and he doesn’t live in a castle (at least I haven’t found the tower or the moats yet). The only dragons he’s had to slay have been child-support, house payments, commuting to work, and me wanting to stay at home and having more children.

Someday I might write the story of how we met, and what it’s like to live with two ex-wives and two step-daughters. But let’s just say that we the way we met pretty much sums up the reason we work together. Our differences seem to mesh in a way that I’m sure many that knew us then didn’t understand. Our similarities aren’t really that obvious. And the reasons I love him are usually also the reasons that I want to smack him sometimes. And, I’m sure he feels the same way.

I’m hoping we have another 20+ years to prove people wrong. For us to make it to 50 years, he’ll have to live to be 77, which is doable. And something else nobody thought would happen either.

Abandonment

I was at the pet store the other day with the kids buying crickets for the bearded dragon (which were left in the car on a 90 degree day and eventually became steamed crickets). While in the store a young woman had a simply adorable miniature pinscher dog that the kids all asked to pet. Blake struck up a conversation with this young woman (after helping her move the crate box she was buying) and the kids found out the woman had adopted the dog from a shelter after it had been left on the side of the road. This adorable pup was 12 weeks old. Not a great way to begin its life.

On the way home from the pet store, the kids had quite the conversation about how terrible it was that someone could be so cruel and mean to just leave a puppy (or any animal) just because they didn’t want it. Of course I had to chime in that it happens all the time and it’s unfortunate because with a little leg work, a few phone calls and some time, a home could have been found for this cute little thing. Or, they could have just taken the pup to a shelter to begin with.

This, of course, made me think about abandonment as a whole. I think we have become a society of abandonment. If something is too difficult or unpleasant or unwanted or unplanned, we just walk away from it, dust our hands off and move on to the next thing.

• Can’t sell the house? Just walk away, quit making payments and live somewhere else. No one will notice just one more foreclosed property and your credit won’t have the black mark forever.

• Don’t like your job? Your boss is a pain? Just don’t show up for work, call it quits, or even worse – just do the least possible amount of work in the worst way. Your co-workers will take up the slack because the boss likes them better anyways.

• Don’t like your husband (or wife)? Well then, just walk away. Oh, and don’t forget to get a great lawyer so you can take everything you can with you when you go.

• Children are a pain, but sex is fun. So, why be responsible and use birth control – or here’s an idea – not have sex – (yeah, guys, it’s your responsibility, too) when you can just get an abortion for that “unwanted pregnancy”. It’s not like there aren’t adoption agencies or people who can’t have children that would love your little darling. Wouldn’t want to ruin your figure or your life for a few months or years.

We seem to have no problem, in this society, with just abandoning anything we find uncomfortable, unnecessary or unwanted. Old people, babies, people with diseases or mental illness are as much garbage to us as our used newspapers or melon rinds; except we don’t even attempt to recycle or find useful purposes for them. Laws, if not deemed socially applicable, are tossed out for one special interest group or another. People find ways to abandon good sense, consideration and morals because it’s not fair or hurts their feelings.

I’m not sure what the solution is to this problem, so I’ll just abandon this post…

Immigration Reform

I don’t have an issue with people coming to the United States of America, still the greatest country in the world. Most of us have ancestors that traveled by boat across oceans to come to this great country. They hoped to have a better life than what they left back in the old country. But they never intended to mooch off the people who were already living here – they came to be legal citizens of America.

People from other countries, backgrounds, economies and religions make this country a fascinating place to live. In our not-so-small town, we have Indian, Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Mexican, and a host of other ethnic restaurants within a few mile radius. There are people from all areas of this world living in this community. But many of them, even in Washington State are not here legally; nor are they attempting to be here under the law.

There’s been a lot of talk about haters and racists and bigots and the like. I’m none of those things. I’m simply a United States citizen that works hard and pays taxes. I only ask that others living here be willing to do the same. Legally and lawfully.

I propose that we allow all illegal immigrants the chance to step up to the plate and prove that they actually want to be law-abiding citizens of this country. And that you’re not just here for a free ride. I don’t care what country you came from. I don’t care what language you speak, what religion you believe in or what type of job you’re willing to do. If you want to live here, there are some rules you must follow.

If you are here illegally, your goal is to be legal. To that end I propose:

• All people entering the United States will be required to show documentation proving their place of birth or citizenship in whatever country they are currently citizens of. If you cannot provide documentation that says you are a legal (or working to be legal) citizen of the US, you will be detained. Think about Ellis Island. If you don’t know about Ellis Island, I suggest you find a computer with internet or a history book and read about it.

• If you have been detained for lack of documentation you will be given an identification number and a short-term place to live. Short term is 60 days. That’s two months. Within that time you will be required to show your intent to become a legal citizen of the US.

• Intent to become legal means you will find a job. This job will be a legal job and you will be taxed like everyone else with a legal job. You may have to work more than one job to pay for your housing (not paid for by the government), transportation, food and other living necessities such as healthcare. All persons over the age of 18 will be required to find work.

• If after the 60 day period, you cannot prove that you have obtained legal employment and have been paying taxes; you and your family will be transferred to a housing site where you and your family may remain for an additional 10 months. In this time you will be required to hold a job, pay taxes and work on your citizenship status. You (and your family) may be returned to your country of residency at any time during this 12 month period.

• If we cannot find a reason you or any family member CANNOT become a citizen within 12 months; you will be given citizenship. This will be on a probationary period of three years. In this three years, you (and all family members of job-holding age) will be required to hold a job, pay taxes and prove that you are a worthy, law-abiding citizen-to-be.

• If within the first year (12 months) you or your family are here, we can find ANY reason you should not be granted citizenry in our country; you AND YOUR FAMILY will be sent back to the country you arrived from. No questions, no amnesty, no sanctuary.

• If you have a child that was born in the United States (and according to our current laws is therefore a LEGAL citizen of the US) you will be allowed to stay in the US until that child is 1 year old. If you have not obtained legal citizenship within that 12 month period, you will be sent back to the country you arrived from. Your legal, US citizen child will be provided a loving, caring and tax-paying home to be raised in. You chose to come to this country while pregnant (or became pregnant while here); assuming your citizenship would be granted within 21 years. No one is willing to pay for you or your family’s healthcare, education and other benefits for 21 years. If you are that dedicated to having your child receive the benefits of being a citizen, we have lots of families that will be willing to raise them as US citizens.

During the three year probationary period, your citizenry will be automatically revoked if you or a family member:

• Are involved in any way in criminal activity; including, but not limited to: Terrorism, drug use/abuse/distribution, tax evasion, or any criminal activity that lands you (or any family member) in jail or prison. You will be sent back to the country you came from originally and denied any future attempts at citizenry. Your family will also be sent back to their country of origin; their citizenry and all benefits revoked and they will be denied any future attempts at citizenry.



I realize this is harsh and simplistically stated. However, it’s a start and one I think the government and law enforcement are too soft to suggest. All people are welcome here. We all started as immigrants (with the exception of the Native Americans who lived here first) and have fought for the rights and benefits of this country with our lives.

If you are anxious to live here and give your family the benefits of our terrific country, you must be willing to pay the price of those benefits.