Gifts

I used to be good at giving gifts.  I loved to think of things that people would enjoy and take pleasure in the process of planning, buying and wrapping the gifts.  I took joy in finding things that gave others pleasure.  I used to be really good at it.

Now, buying and planning for gifts are just one more thing to do; one more item to check off a list; another problem to be stressed over and solved; something else to take up my time; a possibly futile endeavor that will drain my already waning energy and motivation and time.

In other words, I suck at it now.  Shopping at holidays and birthdays and celebrations is exhausting and depressing.  Finding that perfect card (or even one that’s kind of appropriate) is torturous.  I used to be able to stand in the card section of the store and LAUGH – usually out-loud – for a long time. 

But NOT giving gifts or cards fills me with guilt.  I should give a gift, I think.  I was never raised with gift-giving being an obligation; giving a gift was a treasure and a gift in and of itself.  Not anymore.

I stand in front of the card aisle and glance over the cards.  No, that one is too dumb, that one too mushy, that one too vague.  And then, I find one that’s great, except it sounds like I should feel, not like I really do actually feel.  And then I’m guilty for being phony.  Cards no longer make me laugh; they make me cringe or roll my eyes or shudder – and no, not just the Justin Beiber cards.

Gifts?  What I’d like to give are too expensive or too large or just too…too.  What if they don’t like it (that thought never used to cross my mind)?  What if they have to return it?  What if they’re allergic or they think it’s ugly?  What if????

And I’ve developed this guilt in receiving gifts too.  I call it baggage from my mother, although that’s not entirely fair as she’s been dead for several years, and following my own advice, I should be able to GET OVER IT!  I spend vast amounts of time and energy trying to decipher why anyone would give me a gift.  What do they expect in return?  Am I now required to give them gifts too?  What if I have to someday get rid of the gift?  Or it breaks?  Or…

Sigh…

Random thought:  How did we begin using the words “used to” to signify past tense of once was?  I mean, “used” means no longer new…however, upon more research it’s actually a form of speech that is correct.  

More Random thoughts...

More random thoughts that cross my mind at awkward times...

If requiring ID to vote is a “Poll Tax” because it disenfranchises the poor, then how do the poor identify themselves for their state benefits?  Don’t they have to (occasionally) prove they are who they say they are?  How will they identify themselves at Emergency rooms or clinics or doctors’ offices for medical treatment?

If someone is too poor to be able to get to a place to purchase an ID, aren’t they also too poor to be able to get to a place to vote?

I don’t suppose it will be too long before I can’t say words like “Indian Summer” and “Mexican Mocha” without being called racist.

How is it racial profiling to pull someone over because they broke the law and have non-white skin, but it’s not racial profiling to ask someone what nationality they are for federal and state reports?

I still find it odd that school choice is bad, but reproductive choice is not.

Why do we need Planned Parenthood to be funded by the government if the Affordable Healthcare Act will provide health coverage for all?

How is it that Birth control is considered health care? 

I am constantly amazed that people get in a fluff over Internet privacy.  If you post it on the Internet do you REALLY have the expectation of privacy? 

Deleting someone as a friend on FB or blocking them from your newsfeed may not be mature, but sometimes it’s the best way to solve an electronic relationship issue.  And dang, but it feels good!

Frankly, I think we fell over the “fiscal cliff” several years ago.  Personally, we make roughly half again as much as we made 10 years ago, but are further behind than we were 20 years ago.  As a country, I don’t think we’re any better off, either.

Marriage certificates and the Constitution are just pieces of paper unless they’re enforced.  Laws are the same way.  We don’t need more rules and laws; we need people who are willing to stand up and enforce the ones we already have and punish people that break those laws and rules.

What is the mentality behind forcing private clubs and organizations to accept membership of everyone?  Why would an atheist want to be a member of a Christian (or Jewish or catholic or Muslim) club?  If you don’t follow the beliefs of a group, why would you want to be a member in the first place?

If you don’t agree with guns, then don’t buy one.  If you don’t believe in God, then don’t go to church or pray or read the Bible.  If you don’t like my child wearing a cross on a necklace, then don’t look at the necklace. 

I live in a country I no longer recognize.  Sex used to be private and not discussed.  Marriage was between a man and a woman.  The bad guys always wore black hats.  Swear words weren’t used as adjectives in day to day conversation.  School was where you learned the basics of reading, writing and arithmetic; not how to use a condom.